The Crying Game

I just let Anna do on those of evil, horrible, vile "crying it out" things and I need a HUG and a soda treat... oh and a brownie. Perhaps a glass of wine. She has been a weird napper all week and finally, knowing she REALLY needed a decent nap this afternoon, I left her in her room to make her go back to sleep.

Oh the horror. I always tell myself that I'm being a strong parent by going in and rocking her and making her go back to sleep if she wakes up too early and I KNOW she needs more. But yesterday, that little independent sprite fought me for 50 MINUTES while I rocked her. I alternated between utter boredom and ferocious anger until finally giving up. As soon as I said her name, she looked at me and smiled an honest-to-God "I.... win....." smile. Then I was SOOO steamed when I walked out with her and realized it had been 50 minutes. I was sooo mad. Anna behaved nicely with NO whining because she knew I was on the warpath.

Anyhoo. Due to yesterday's failure, I decided that since rocking her didn't work, not going in would....... eventually. Ugh. She SCREAMED off and on for ONE HOUR! That's like.... a whole Oprah. Three 5K's. Half of a movie in a movie theater. While that may seem short - picture me - sitting on my bed - fighting World War Three in my head: "Do NOT go in there." "Oh my gosh, she's crying because she got her leg stuck or something!" "Do NOT go in there!!!" "She thinks I've disappeared and abandoned her!" "Shut UP - She doesn't even know what those words mean!" "Oh but she's never going to stop!" "She'll stop eventually you weenie. STAY HERE."

Meanwhile. Anna is screaming at times so loud I'm afraid the neighbors will hear and come knocking, wondering if I'm passed out on the kitchen floor or something. See, when she is really, really mad she does not cry OR scream. She does this awful banshee wail sound. I can't describe it but it's not human. It's frightening and sad at the same time. Bleh.

So after she FINALLY fell asleep, I HAD to go in and check on her; convinced as I was that I killed her with my neglect. She is, of course, fine but she's doing the post-wailing gaspy jerky breathing thing... IN HER SLEEP. Well, that was enough mom punishment for sure. So I of course had to check on her a second time later, just to see relaxed, even breathing with my own eyes.

When she woke up, happy as can be, she was the cutest most pathetic thing ever! She was all smiles and jabbering but her little eyes were swollen and red. Saddest thing ever! I felt equal parts successfull and evil at the same time.

Whew! Glad that's over. Can I have that brownie now?